Wednesday, November 16, 2011


I am just going to put this out there because I could really use some prayer. 

I have an irrational panic about getting the twins' room ready or buying them anything or packing, etc. 

Basically anything related to actually bringing them to our home makes me panic. 


I have this physical feeling that comes over me and I feel almost paralyzed. 

I know it's ridiculous. 

But it's the truth. 

Here I sit, 18 months into the adoption process and I am not packed. The room is not ready. Their clothes are not bought/washed/put away. None of it. 

We could get the call any day!

What am I doing? What's the problem? 

The only thing I can pinpoint is the fact that I have buried my child. I know the heartache that parents should not know. My only son. I have taken the crib down after not bringing the baby home from the hospital. 

And I guess this is scary in a similar way. 

What if? 

It's miserable really to think about them never coming "home."

So my friends, I need your prayers.  

I have got to get things in order in my house and get ready for the call to come.

I have got to put the "what ifs" out of my head and press on. 

I have got to put the joy in front of the fear and really enjoy this time of preparing. 

Thank you for your support and your prayers!

1 comment:

Nicole said...

Praying for you. Don't have much advice to offer - when we got the call for Ethan, most of the nursery was done but it was set up for a 2 year old (Kevin) that we never brought home. I couldn't bring myself to set it up for a newborn or any baby after that.......just had to leave it the way it was until we got the call to come get him. I was able to get everything together in one day, clothes washed, I guess I say that to say take your time and know that even if you have to wait until the twins get here, it will all come together. We'll help in any way we need to as soon as you need us as well! Hang in there......I think you are VERY close! Praying, my friend and can't wait for you to go get those babies!