Leah's Bling

The picture says it all!!

Our Son

Today, 4 years ago, our only son was born. It is a bittersweet day for me, every year. I suspect it will always be that way. On this day, we celebrate his very short life. It seems like yesterday that we were waiting so anxiously for his arrival. I can remember his birth so vividly in my mind. We of course knew that there could be serious problems but we so ready for his birth. I was induced early on the morning of Feb 17 and he was finally born at 11:53 pm. I don't remember a whole of pain, I am sure it was there. But I was just so ready. I wanted to see what God had in store for sweet Jacob. He didn't cry like other babies, but he did make a little squeak. I wanted so much to believe that the squeak meant he was healthy. I got to see him for only a second before they took him away. I didn't care much at all about the recovery, I just wanted to get to the nursery to see him. I was so overjoyed that he was alive. But my joy turned to great sorrow so quickly.

I have been through some very trying times in my life. But losing my child is the hardest moment I have experienced. Yet in the midst of such profound sorrow, I found so much hope. I had never leaned on the Lord so much. And he was there to hold me. I didn't know anyone who had lost a child. But one thought continued to come to my mind. God knew what it was like to lose a son. Not only does he know what it's like, he freely gave that son for us. I cannot say that I would CHOOSE to have my son die. But I do know that I am not alone in my struggle. I know that God is my Shepherd. And he will not forsake me. And he hasn't. He has continued to carry me when I couldn't walk on my own. He has continued to bless me over and over again. And I know that he has great plans for me.

I will never forget my son. It is hard sometimes because having four girls seems to be of interest to people. We get lots of comments. One that we get very often is, "Are you going to try for your boy?" We have our boy. He waits in heaven with our Lord.
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/j/jacobnathaniel/

Vivian in camo

No brain cells left

So, we ventured out last weekend on one of our first outings as a family since Vivian came on the scene. Madison needed some shoes. So we go to the shoe store. We find Mackenzie some cleats for softball. Instead of going back to the car we decide to walk down to another shoes store. We find Mackenzie and I some church shoes, no shoes for Madison. At this point we go back to the car. As we are walking, I am looking for the keys. I can't find them. I ask Tim where he put them. He reminded me that I drove so he didn't have them. We get back to the car and I am getting more and more agitated (4 children at a shoe store will do that to a person) and I still can't find the keys. I decide to try to open the door and low and behold there sit the keys on my drivers seat. Please step right in and steal my car!!!

So no more driving for me. We go to another shoe store and Tim runs in while I am nursing the baby. No success there either. It is lunchtime by this point (how it got so late, I don't know) so we went and had some pizza. After lunch we go to Walmart where we look for shoes with no success. We get busy looking for softball things for Mackenzie and a few other misc items we needed from Walmart. We get in the car and realize we are about to miss softball signups. So we rush home. We went by the school (Vivian crying the whole way) and the signups were over. So we go home and realize that after 5+ hours out of the house, poor Madison STILL has no shoes.

Where did the brain cells go?